Alice in Wonderland

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small,
And the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all.
Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall.
And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall,
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call.
Call Alice when she was just small. 

Margaret Lockwood

Looking particularly wicked in this one. 

The Delightful (and a bit wicked) Margaret Lockwood

Who is she? Where does she fit in? In way ML is difficult to place in an era because she appeared in quite a few! Her career spanned the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's.

This is the autographed pic (left) I have of her. I don't think she had a particularly happy life. She had lots of opportunities to become a major star in Hollywood, but hated the place - not a bad call, I would say. Her marriage did not work out and her family were not always supportive.

I picked up on all of this in particular. I suppose there were some happy times. I hope so. She died of cirrhosis of the liver at the relatively early age of 73.

One of her first major appearences was in the Hitchcock thriller, "The Lady Vanishes" (Spies! playing the game of love-and sudden death as the blurb ran) This movie has so much for me: camp thirties argot, trains and Basil Radford and Naunton Wayne (more on them soon). And of course, she did the wicked thing as "The Wicked Lady" Sufficient to say about this one, filmed in 1945, is that the american version had to be re-shot with less of Miss Lockwood's cleavage showing. mmm.

Elsie Randolph

Who is she? Where does she fit in? Why have I just acquired this picture of her? (right)

Elsie Randolph was a singer and actress with real charm and style. She had a lasting stage, screen and recording partnership with Jack Buchanan, and did some marvellous duets with him on disc. Get The ASV cd "Elegance" and see what I mean.

She appeared in two Alfred Hitchcock movies, Rich and Strange and Frenzy (though the two movies are over forty years apart)

It is interesting to me to have a little piece of the past; a fragment of a moment when a bright star autographed a glossy photograph for a starry eyed admirer.

Ban Chickenist language and attitudes

Since it is apparent that the Catholics are annoyed with the cartoon series, "South Park" for depicting a bleeding statue of the Virgin Mary, and the Muslims are fed up with the Norwegians for doing a cartoon of Mohammed, I only think it is fair that I speak out against the constant and (in my opinion) vile depiction of poultry in the media, as cowardly, brainless creatures. I urge all sane people, to join me on a march to Downing Street to protest.

First let us dispel the myth of "Mike the Headless Chicken" since this is the evil and sinister source of the idea that chickens can get on perfectly well without a head. Mike was supposedly culled by his owner, but despite losing his head (when all around him kept theirs) he managed to live on for many months, becoming something of a phenomenon. If you are interested, Mike has his own site: http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/ This supposedly not only shows that he was clever enough not to need a head, but that he could manage perfectly well without one. And not many of us can say that! But it is all foul lies! Lies I tell you, designed to obfuscate and terrify!

Then there is the language. Those whose sole job it is to discredit and rail against our feathered friends have hijacked the word "Chicken" as a synonym for "Coward". This detestable (and perhaps criminally libelous) ploy is a gross misrepresentation of a Chicken's moral character. On the whole, Poultry are courageous whilst at the same time they are aware of the health and safety issues. The constant use of this term demeans Chickens and is Chickenist.

I could go on, but cyberspace is full of daft ranters and I do not intend to associate with them and be tarred (or feathered) with the same brush.

And now life for Chickens has taken on a more sinister turn. They are being scapegoated as a major threat, singled out as bringers of mass death and disease. Next the authorities will be compiling a "register" of all Chickens. What will they do with this information? Will it contain biometric information such as iris recognition and claw prints? Will they be rounded up and sent to Guatanamo Bay? Will just having a beak and feathers mean you are more likely to be frisked at airports?

I shudder to think. Next time you hear a government representative barking the the words, "Are you, or have you ever been associated with, a Chicken?" be afraid. Be very afraid- if you tolerate this, your ferrets will be next.

They say it's your Birthday

Happy Birthday to me. 52.

Chickens - Doom?

My chickens are part of the landscape. They behave as they should because they are free to roam.

This means they run, jump, attempt to fly, scratch, have dust baths, eat my vegetables, chatter incessantly and enjoy a natural existence.

That existence is now under threat. If the British Government orders them to be enclosed there is no future for them, other than as docile zoo curiosities. In the event of such an order I think it will be less cruel to have them humanely dispatched.

We can only watch and wait with trepidation. 

The Brit Awards

British Music?

Who is James Blunt and how can you tell the difference between him and Magnolia Emulsion paint? Is this the best we can do? It's, like, Grody to the Max!

Straight to Chick Flik pop. Please, no more Whoopsie crooners. Gag me with a Spoon!

aaaaaaaaagh!

James Blunt, Bag your face!

Dinner Party

This weekend my fantasy dinner guests will be these interesting and lovely people. I shall sit between Franka Potente and Lisa Edelstein, though I doubt relations with either will get beyond a bit of mild frottage.

NO SMIRKING

And so Parliament has voted to ban smoking in pubs and clubs and public places. But what about this poor woman? "Mary" is now a social pariah, forced to eek out a life outside Semi-Chem, where she works as a beauty advisor, making up increasingly implausible reasons why she removes several layers of Elizabeth Arden pancake, dons a simple disguise and is "just nipping out".

And what if she gives up the evil of tobacco? Ten more years of life? Ten more years of mucky nursing homes where the catheter falls out and the person in the next bed is dying of gangrene? Have a fag, Mary. You know it makes sense.

Bring back Good Old Fashioned Family Entertainment

Family Values.
Loyalty to the flag.
Wholesome Entertainment.
Whatever happened to them?

Exclusive! James Dean - Shirt in Pants Shock!

It has been revealed that fifties cool icon James Dean used to tuck his shirt into his underpants.

Actually that is a lie, made up by me.

But seriously, how cool is James Dean? He cannot have been cool all of the day and all of the night - even the Weasel ain't that cool.

You are invited to submit at your leisure, facts about James Dean, or other cool icons, that show they were not cool at all.

So, if you discover that JD took his undies home to mom to wash, let me know!

Public Information - Watch out!

ATTENTION WOMEN!
It could happen to YOU! (Especially the weaker willed and hirsute)

Avoid all forms of public excercise, and don't be seduced by offers of "pampering" at the local hydro.

Stay away from, THE WRONG KIND OF LOVING!!!

Risibilis - Genie in a Bottle

High Profile Gay Bish, Gene Robinson has had to "come out" once more over revelations that he is an Alcoholic, according to beliefnet.com:

New Hampshire Bishop V. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church, is undergoing treatment for his "increasing dependence on alcohol," Robinson said in a letter to the 49 churches in his diocese. Robinson, 58, voluntarily checked himself into an undisclosed facility on Feb. 1 for a four-week stay. Robinson said in the letter, dated Monday (Feb. 13), that he had the support of his partner, Mark Andrew, and his two daughters. "Over the 28 days I will be here, I will be dealing with the disease of alcoholism -- which, for years, I have thought of as a failure of will or discipline on my part, rather than a disease over which my particular body simply has no control, except to stop drinking altogether," Robinson wrote.

I believe that, when fully recovered from this debilitating malady, Gene will find that he has relevant transferable skills and will get a great job as Chaplain to The Liberal Democrats.

I shall reserve making further cheap jibes about the Bishop unless he is discovered to have a James Blunt CD in his collection, in which case, he will be fair game.

And the Winner is...

The Winner of the grand competition is Mr Matt Connery (aka Mod MC, BA Hons, B.ling (oxon) for correctly getting the answers and being arsed to send them in.

He will receive a nice copy of "Cheesy Continental Hits"

Quattro Formaggio with Cheese COMPETITION!

WIN A CD!
Yes folks, a real live competition! And you, Mrs Pants, of 33 Wikipedia Avenue can win, and may already have won an amazing prize! In fact, you stand more chance of winning this than going to DFS and there not being a sale!!!!

Just answer the few piffling questions. If you answer all of them, you will go forward to the lottery and the first person pulled out of the hat will win tarantara!- CHEESY CONTINENTAL HITS, a fab compilation, by me of the cheesyist, catchiest continental tunes on the planet. delivered, in CD format to your door!!!

Here is the track list, just to get you foaming at the mouth:-

Volare -Gypsy Kings

Tinterella di luna -Mina

Brivido Blu- Tony Dallara

Granada -Baccara

O sole mio- three Tenors (if you have to, sing along with "just one cornetto")

Santa Lucia -Mario Lanza

Malafemmena -Roberto Murolo & Mia Martini

On Days Like These -Matt Monroe

Station Ident -Radio Luxembourg

Besame Mucho -Dalida

Ill Mondo- Sergio Endrigo

Volver -Tito Gomez

Cherry Pink -Perez Prado

Zorba’s dance -Mikis Theodrakis

Gelosia -Adriano Celentano

Besame Mucho- Perez Prado

Guaglione- Renato Carasone

Mambo Cubano- Perez Prado

Pazza Idea -Patty Pravo

Arrivederci Roma- Claudio Villa

Come Prima- Domenico Modugno

And now for the questions....

1. Who is the Fool in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida? (Clue :A deformed and scurrilous Greek)
   
2. Who played bass with Jethro Tull on the first three albums and eventually went to Paris?
3. Which actor played James Bond the most times on Screen?
4. Who not only played James Bond, but also is popularly (but erroneously) thought to have played the sax solo on Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street"
5. Which member of the Zappa family did a song about "Valley Girl"
6. "It's in the trees, it's in the trees!" Which fifties horror b movie did Kate Bush sample on "Hounds of Love" (clues in my blog).

Answers to be in by Thursday, 16th February. If there is more than one winner, they will be put in a hat and someone will be chosen at random. Good Luck!

Send your anwsers to the "comments" section on this post or to my email addy, and you will all be notified of the winner. Please have a go!

(Family members, sub-contractors, worshippers and employees of the Weasel are not eligible to enter) Weasel's decision is final. For a complete set of rules, don't bother

Groundhog Day

It's also Groundhog Day!
Will Punxatawney Phil see his shadow today?

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again.

Personally I am still in a state of partial hibernation.

Lux Aeterna

It's the Christian Festival of Candlemas today, marking the end of the Christmas season:

(More HERE)

"Down with the rosemary, and so

Down with the bays and misletoe ;

Down with the holly, ivy, all,

Wherewith ye dress'd the Christmas Hall"

— Robert Herrick (1591-1674), "Ceremony upon Candlemas Eve"

Lord God, the springing source of everlasting light, pour into the hearts of your faithful people the brilliance of your eternal splendor, that we, who by these kindling flames light up this temple to your glory, may have the darkness of our souls dispelled, and so be counted worthy to stand before you in that eternal temple where you live and reign, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

One of mine

I have the dubious honour of having lived in the same road in SW11 as Vincent Van Gogh. (Hackford Road) (see below)

Come to think of it, I also lived across the road from Captain Laurence Oates (Upper Richmond Road), and temporarily in a house occupied (temporarily) by Oscar Wilde when his Tite Street house was being finished. This is No.1 Ovington Square, SW3, and Oscar stayed there with his mother, the enigmatic "Speranza". I stayed there with my wayward, picaresque father.

The pic of Oscar is one of mine and available at a little under the £20m mark.

There's another one of mine if you click HERE

Not one of mine

This is Van Gogh's L'Arlesienne, Madame Ginoux.

So it's not one of mine then. It is expected to make over Twenty Million Pounds when Christie's New York auction it in May.

I like Van Gogh, don't get me wrong, but is that kind of money really sensible?

Just a few pics

Coming soon... my birthday again, 21st February 1954

I suppose I can be thankful that 1954 was the year of the Mercedes Benz 300SL Gull Wing
and the Fender Stratocaster (Mark Knopfler toured with an original 1954 "Jurassic Strat".)

Popular Music, however, was a depressing mix of Do-Wop, Soppy Ballads and novelty records. As I was breathing my first breaths as a newborn, nearly 52 years ago, the young voices of the Obernkirchen Children's Choir floated through the bars of my baby bed: Val da Ree, Val da Ra - "The Happy Wanderer". Doris Day was singing "Secret Love" and "The Crew Cuts" were do-wopping through "Sh Boom" (a pale white-boy version of the hipper, R&B original by The Chords)

Meanwhile there were some good movies; "Bad Day at Black Rock", Spencer Tracy as a one-armed war hero in a town that "you'll never leave". Bogart was acting his socks off as Captain Queeg in "The Caine Mutiny". There was Henri-George Cluzot's "Diabolique", It was Marlon Brando's year with "On the Waterfront" and "The Wild One".

The Bilderberg Group, a favourite with conspiracy theorists, had their first meeting at the Bilderberg Hotel in Arnhem in 1954.

Great Democrat Politician, Adlai Stevenson (birthday 5th Feb) wrote "Call to Greatness", in which he wrote:

Throughout its history, America has given hope, comfort and inspiration to freedom's cause in all lands. The reservoir of good will and respect for America was not built up by American arms or intrigue; it was built upon our deep dedication to the cause of human liberty and human welfare.

Not surprisingly, the Republicans hated him.

No more censorship tyranny

This is the picture that Muslims would try to have banned. Well, let them ban it in their own countries, along with other measures such as their oppression of women, supression of other faiths, stifling of artistic freedom and press censorship. But not here in Europe!. If they don't like the way we do things here they can bugger off. Lets us support the freedom to satirise and make jokes about God. I am convinced he is big enough to be able to take it. More if you click HERE

We must never allow noisy minorities to tyrannise the majority, however worthy it may seem. The pursuit of public good and decency is done by the democratic process and the rights of freedom of expression and speech.

All good and proper ideas, religions and interest groups must be tested in the crucible of public scrutiny and if necessary, public ridicule. If it cannot withstand that, perhaps they are not worthy of being called "good".