Snot

Yes, I have just been to a post mortem and here are a few bits I sliced earlier.

"Mmm" I said, washing them down with a swig of Chablis, "I'm getting snot and a top note of cyclist's scrotum"

naughty black lingerie

I was hoping to have a think about what I would like for Christmas but something came up.

A declaration of the Rights of Man

The establishment hasn't been so rattled about the dissent of the hoi-polloi since Peterloo.

Too many members of those who wish to maintain the status quo are now starting to talk about regulating what we do because they can see that the blogosphere is not under their control. As they do this, may they consider the following, from "

Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen" published by the National Assembly in France in August 1789.

• No man ought to be uneasy about his opinions, even his religious beliefs, provided that their manifestation does not interfere with the public order established by the law.
• The free communication of thought and opinion is one of the most precious rights of man: every citizen can therefore talk, write and publish freely, except that he is responsible for abuses of this liberty in cases determined by the law.
• The guaranteeing of the rights of man and the citizen requires public force: this force is therefore established for everybody’s advantage and not for the particular benefit of the persons who are entrusted with it.

After the massacre, at St Peters Fields, of those agitating for Parliamentary reform and the repeal of the Corn Laws, Shelley was inspired to write The Masque of Anarchy, including these lines.

'Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number -
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you -
Ye are many - they are few.'

A whilst in France, witnessing the birth of the Revolution, Wordsworth (momentarily eshewing the merits of daffodils) described himself thus,

An Englishman,
Born in a land whose very name appeared
To license some unruliness of mind

I have to ask, who took the license away when we weren't looking?

Dave "Nicey" Nice Dies

The Weasel is fairly sad today to hear of the death of the Nicey, the radio legend who died at the age of 122, just equalling the longevity of Madame Calment.

Former members of Bachman-Turner Overdrive were contacted and said to be "distraught". "It's not good news, that's for sure, " said a minder.

David Nice emigrated to Europe from Australia when he heard that someone had invented the wireless, and was soon to be heard regularly on Radio Bilderberg, pumping out hits to "pop pickers". (Pop picking took place in southern europe at the time, but is now largely done by Romanian refugees)

When the BBC realised that Bert Kaemfert was not such a big draw with the under 30's, they recruited Dave Nice for their flagship programme, "Pick of the Crops" - programme that delighted agricultural workers throughout the land.

Sadly, Nicey's easy style and his innate charm became anachronistic in the face of changing public tastes, such as coprophilia and Brookside.

He ended his days in a nursing home, scandalising the nurses by pinching their bottoms and shouting "poptastic"

The Weasel misses him.

A New Chairman for the BBC

Barbara Jo speaks:

If one examines neoconstructive theory, one is faced with a choice: either accept Foucaultist power relations or conclude that the significance of the artist is social comment.

I do hope the new Chairman of the BBC, whoever he is, takes this on board.

Don't you, boys?

I would like to see David Dimbleby in the job because he is the only high up BBC boy who doesn't use cheap hair dye. I like that in a guy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Barbara Jo

EMO GIRL

Thanks Weas. Kewl. Oh My God I cannot believe it? Here I am on the Weasel's blog? But of course he is sooooooo old and probably a perv but anyway my My Space is crap and I am soooooo emo at the mo. Ur gonna be right mad at me enewy because I am not going out becoz I woz soooooo drunk last night and I woke up in my peejays (who put those on) with blue WKD dribbling out of my studs. And I was like, "Oh.My.God Ive got my peejays on and I was wearing ruched cargos and a tube last time I looked ...ssddd

A farewell to Arms - Hemingway

Not a lament for the Venus de Milo.

This book is described on the blurb as an anatomy/critique of war and in a way it is but it is also about a love affair, conducted in that sort of on and off, desultory way that love affairs often are.

I liked it because of Hemingway's crisp, timeless narrative style and because it is mostly the internal monologue of a man, any man, living his life of quiet aquiesence.

I felt bereaved when I had finished reading it. Recommended.

Guest Contributor - CAPTAIN NICE

The Weasel is really pleased to have tracked down Captain Nice, an old friend and contributor to the blog. (Note to new readers, the Captain uses fairly unsophisticated voice recognition technology to dictate his blogs, so please forgive the literal spellings of his special way of speaking)

Hello Fwiends, Captain Nice here.

I missed the Weasel's blog dweadfully and the nice cosy talks we had about how bad the world can be and how it is my job to make nice things happen, wegardless of my own personal welfare.

My superpowers are modest, I admit, but I can get about quickly, discern the flavours of potato chips (crisps to you Brits) without tasting them, tell if a person is lying by inspecting their tongue, the ability to tell which sweets and candies you like, just by squeezing your hand! and best of all, and this is a wecent addition to my arsenal, I can suppress farts for up to 36 hours at a time! All this on top of my special skill of disarming those who would spwead wecwimination and wancour. Of course, I have been twying to mediate between your Pwime Minister Blair and Chancellor Bwown. I cannot divulge my method, but suffice to say that it needs more work.

Ah well, time to go. I just love the Fall. Machiasport is my home and my home and my heart are open to you all should you ever be in Maine.
Kind Wegards CAPTAIN NICE

Yesterdays

Once in a while I want to repost an item that is worth looking at if you did not catch it the first time.

Here comes one now:

http://wrinkledweasel.blogspot.com/2006/03/cover-story-bobbie-ann-rogers.html

It's the account of how I caught up with Bobbie Ann Rogers, the girl on this album cover

Britney Spears Lesbian Sex fantasy

Well, I decided that more people should read the blog, and apparently Google really loves this stuff.

Get your hot buttocks here!

Spirogyra

I remember my parents saying of all modern music: "it's rubbish, you can't hear what they are saying, they look like girls, they should be put to hard labour" etc. And yes, I hear Gnarls Barkley and I am severely tempted to be like them.

But I am not saying today's music is crap. I am saying it is not what I want to listen to. So here is another review of a sixties/seventies band that seem to have sunk without trace, and that is a shame.

I write of Spirogyra. Folk Rock you might say. Funkier than Fairport, edgier than Steeleye and not so twee. In fact Spirogyra have more than enough humour and wit and do not evince the po-faced finger in the ear pose of the aformentioned. The tunes are good, the singing is very strong (I am in love with Barbara Gaskin - at least the 1970 version of Barbara Gaskin) and overall you get inventiveness and energy. If you go here: CLICKYCLICKY you will find a considerable amount of their output, available, free, for download.

I recommend you try Dangerous Dave, Captain's Log and a Canterbury Tale, and The Forest of Dean to finish, as your introduction to this very underrated group. I am amazed and appalled that I totally overlooked them in 1970.

The Sarah Wilmshurst fan club

I am getting older. There is no denying it. I forget things, I pee my pants, I wake up sweating because I think I am a serial killer. You have been there havn't you?

Well, to make things easier for me I am asking my friends to accommodate this small whim: I wish, from now on to call all my friends and relatives "Sarah Wilmshurst".

My reasons for this are simple. This name is friendly, has lots of fluffy, positive connotations, is fairly politically neutral, and is easily pronounced.

So from now on, please do not be confused if I refer to people as "Sarah Wilmshurst".

Of course if the real, pneumatic and tender, Sarah Wilmshurst meets me I shall be somewhat at a loss. But I will cope. I will.

Ann Widdecombe's Week

Ann writes:

I have been fuming. Fuming about those beastly British Airways people who are trying to ban Christians. Well, you cannot ban Christians because we are more powerful than Bilderbergers and Jews put together so pooh!!!

Please come to my show, "An Evening with Ann Widdecombe", hosted by my dear friend, Iain Dale. Iain is not yet married, so come on, girls, get blogging at Iain's place.


Yours,

Ann

Not like that... like that.

Thanks to Mick for the masterful manipulation.

And for more Rumsfeldia go here:

Apparently this video has had 900 million hits. You know, I think civilisation will grind to a standstill anytime now.

Donald Rumsfeld explains -

Every so often, an issue or a subject is so complicated and obfuscated by spin and bias that the Weasel felt someone with a proper command of English and a neat way of explaining things could help me out.

So who better than to call upon Donald Rumsfeld, who is currently not as busy as he once was. Give him a chance, folks. The war in Iraq was not entirely his fault.

As Donald himself said,

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

So folks, let's get going and send Donald your questions - care of this blog. He is eager to please.

Added: Donald's career has had its ups and downs, but you have to see this compilation of his greatest moments.
CLICKY

Burberry in trouble

300 jobs at the Burberry factory in Wales are presently in jepoardy but nevermind because ......curly haired local luvvie, IOwoon grFFFFthdd is sending a message of support.
Thats good.

A company blurb says,

Burberry has been a very successful luxury British brand. It has been performing well and has successfully moved upmarket.

But it has been able to do that because the Burberry brand communicates British glamour and British craftsmanship. If they take away the British craftsmanship, they risk losing the glamour too.

Well I didn't see that one coming. Does Burberry "communicate glamour"? I thought it communicated that you were about to nick my car or throw up into your handbag after downing six bottles of WKD.

Businesses have to be smart and keep control of their brands, hence the row over Levis in supermarkets. When the day comes that you can buy Converse Allstars at Lidl, you know you are in trouble.

Berlusconi collapses

According to the BBC:

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been diagnosed with a minor heart complaint after being taken ill during a speech in northern Italy.

Is it a coincidence that Silvio has done a "Michael Jackson" and been taken ill in the middle of his trial? Has the lack of Presidential immunity become all too much for him? Will it gain him sympathy with the Italians? Can he stay ill long enough for the statute of limitations to kick in - you know, the act that he introduced last time to save his miserable neck?

Sorry

Sorry about the stuff below. That Mustard character hacks into my blog when I am online and inserts malicious codes into the html that I cannot get rid of. So I am stuck with him. Where is Captain Nice when you need him?

Guest contributor - COLONEL MUSTARD

Hello you weekend leisure shoppers. Bought any crap sofas at DFS recently? Your old mate the Colonel is back, dispensing spleen and gratuitious fuckeroo to you and your stinky underpants friends. The Weasel is such a lazy wanker and I suppose in a way I am glad he is back cos it means I can hack into his poofy do goody blog. But I have to go. No seriously. I have a job interview with British Airways and I have to decide what to wear. I thought I would turn up with a large dildo attached to my forehead since it might make me look like potential management material. Your best mate COLONEL MUSTARD

Looking thro Margaret Gilmour's eyes

Hello readers. Margaret here. The Weasel has asked me to make a contribution to his blog, since we are old work colleagues and well - I know he has a soft spot for me.

I have been very busy this week following the mysterious and intriguing death of that Russian man. Poisoned by radiation! He also had been eating sushi and I have to tell you that I don't like sushi. It just tastes like rice with a bit of soggy paper around it and some fish which is probably Fugu anyway, or Takifugu as it is more accurately called. That can kill people quite utterly horribly. Perhaps he died of Fugu and it wasn't Vladimir Putin's idea after all? I shall submit a programme proposal at once to somebody at Newsnight, except I shan't tell Martha Kearney, the bitch.

I have been watching that wonderful David Attenborough series on television because I have a lot of spare evenings, alone. So anyway I must go to bed, so I shall have a carton of Yakult (good for the digestion), have a little cry and fall asleep listening to Il Divo.

Weasel returns

It's winter and the work outside is not so pressing. The Chickens are sitting around being miffed - mad at me for making the weather so incessantly windy and cold.

So it is back to the callathump for a while.