EMO GIRL does Christmas.

I went to me nan's - right? and I woz sooooo board and the place smelled of brussel’s sprouts and it woz gross. I got a beatles cd from my nan. I mean, get real! They soooo old and blatant perves from the sixties and stuff and all hippy like and dont wash. George mccartney was in the beatles, right? And he got married to this chav with a wooden leg. I bet she puts it by the side of err bed. Eneway me mam told me she is divorcing george and getting all his money, which dad thinks in’t right. But me mam does. And that’s cool. Newayzzz I’m gunna go cus blink 182 are playin live on mtv!!! How fucking safe is that?!?

---àEMO GIRLß---

Your Favourite Comedy Sketch

This is your opportunity to make a bid for your favourite comedy Sketch. Yes, Yes, I know I have missed out tons of them but that's the way it goes.

Here you can move yours to the top of the list and let me know the crucial one I have missed out, and why.

1. One Leg too Few. Pete and Dud at their best
2. Four Candles. Funny at the time.
3. The Spanish Inquisition. One of many favourite Python sketches.
4. The Four Yorkshiremen. "Eee, Jedediah, it were tough.. we used to live in a dustbin and eat gravel for tea. Gravel!!! Your were lucky!..."
5. Ted and Ralph. all the sketches. A brilliant invention that moved the boundaries.
6. Suit You Sir! So irritatingly vulgar but spot on.
7. Mr Chlomondeley Warner. "Women, know your limits" Never a truer word.
8. All the right notes. Morcambe and Wise with Mr Preview.
9. Julian and Sandy. Regulars on "Round the Horne" and still achingly funny forty years later.
10. The Young Ones on University Challenge. Vivian losing his head.
11. History Today. Baddiel and Newman. You know you?

Tyranny

We must protect the weak, the minorities the sick and the underdog.

But we must never allow ourselves to be tyrannised by them.

The purpose of political correctness is not to protect victims, but to make new victims by scapegoating those who disagree with their agenda.

See the two posts below.

The fight back has begun

A Christian couple in their seventies who were interrogated by Police in response to a complaint by their local council, over their views on homosexuality, have been awarded £10,ooo compensation.

Here is the story as reported by the BBC (Bear in mind the BBC's open bias in favour of
homosexuals)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/6205897.stm

Their "crime"? Requesting that Christian literature be distributed alongside gay rights leaflets.

The Police and the Council have now had to apologise to the couple.

This is not about me being homophobic. Gays are entitled to partake in society on an equal basis, but I think they do rather, don't you? I mean, they are already vastly over represented at the BBC and in Parliament and other mass media.

Christians, on the other hand put up with every last bit of crap and bile, including unfettered blasphemy. Christians do not threaten retaliation in blood. Perhaps if they did, certain cowardly liberals would think twice about forcing their fascist political correctness on the rest of us.

I would have thought that the Police in particular would have learned lessons already about their attitudes to Christians (cf the GPA's unfair advertising campaign). As for local councils, they tend to attract people without brains, so its not surprising that some twit got all hoity toity about this.

We will fight back. We as Christians believe in not judging people but we also believe that the Word of God is exactly what is says on the dust jacket. We are a Religion. Our beliefs are shared by a majority in the West and we demand the right to express that Religion as we believe.

More importantly we demand the right to think and speak freely. Noisy minorities with malign agendas will not stop us.

Have a Blessed Christmas

The Weasel will be scurrying about in his nest, taking care of some other woodland creatures and will blog again in the new year.

Thank you to everybody who bothered to leave a message.

More Airline Fascism

Now it's BMI.

BMI airlines has banned a female stewardess from taking her personal Bible on flights to Saudi Arabia.

You can read the story here

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/12/19/ubible119.xml

According to Saudi Laws you cannot "import" religious books into the country apart from the good old Koran, that paragon of liberality and cheer.

This in a country where you can still be beheaded, stoned and cut up at the behest of the state, and where, currently, our government is conniving to cover up state approved corruption.

BMI, just like their counterparts in BA are pusilanimous bastards who are quite happy to take a pop at their own staff because it seems like the least line of resistance.
We cannot let this continue. We must take a stand.

Winter Solstice

Winter Solstice 21st December

This year the Weasel will dance in the garden at midnight, to celebrate the Winter Solstice.

Donne in sombre mood:

TIS the year's midnight, and it is the day's,
Lucy's, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks ;
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays ;
The world's whole sap is sunk

But there is cheer, from Mr Herrick:

"COME, bring with a noise,
My merry, merry boys,
The Christmas log to the firing ;
While my good dame, she
Bids ye all be free ;
And drink to your heart's desiring"

Suspect Paki

No, this is not a piece of racism, though you may be forgiven for thinking so. This is the name of a blog by somebody who thinks it's ok to use the word because he is one. That way its funny and ironic and not racist, he claims.

http://www.suspectpaki.com/

He did a fairly average rant about the NHS and I left an innocuous note which was sympathetic and complimentary. I also noted that

"You seem to be rather apopleptic about Jews, but no more than I am about Muslims, so I suppose we are quits."

My comment was fairly mild if you take the trouble to read his hysterical posts..

His terse reply to my post was
"read my rules"

Suspect Paki's rules state

"

• Anyone insulting Allah (swt), His Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) or any of the prophets for that matter is liable for deletion.
• Anyone accusing me of anti-Semitism in any way will be liable for editing or deletion. Let’s get this clear for those of you who plainly, just don’t want to get it! I don’t hate Jews. I hate Zionism. Expressed in the illegal, terrorism-founded state of Israel, it’s actually worse than apartheid.
• Anyone getting too personal towards me or other posters will be liable for deletion.
• You don’t have to like everything I say to be my friend. I don’t have to like everything you say to be yours. It’s called pluralism. It exists in Islam and has done since the beginning.
• I get asked puerile questions like “why not talk about Darfur or the Democratic Republic of Congo” or other probes along similar lines. If you want to read about Darfur, you’re free to read other blogs. I write about what interests me. And Britain, being my country, interests me. Britain created the mess in Palestine. Britain went to war against the Iraqi people, despite the will of the British people. I write about Islam, because there are plenty of ignorant Islamophobes around(who are no better than slave-trading, racist, holocaust-deniers in my book) with their own blogs. Go read those if you hate my misrepresented religion. Otherwise, you are welcome to stay.

Those are his "rules" in their entirety.

I left another note:-

It seems to me that you are oversensitive to criticism, and like your fellow Muslims, you can dish it out but you cannot take it.

It’s a shame because this blog is interesting.

Of course, he cannot take it. He can dish it out but like most of the Muslims in this country he will criticise everything we do but won't allow us to criticise him.

Note: I have edited the above post in the light of Suspect Paki's reply on his blog. I have removed a low-level offensive epithet, that, on reflection he probably does not deserve and a word he deems offensive in relation to his religion (though I was not aware that this was the case). Sometimes you can be wrong about people and you have to deal with it.

As I said, his blog is interesting. We all descend in to Rantland from time to time, but his blog is no worse for that. I ask you to look at it and make your own mind up.

The Wrinkled Weasel at Home

 

Scenes from the Weasel's place

It was almost like this today. 

A Seasonal Scene at Weasel Hall

 

Scumbag convicted of Beshenivsky murder

Yusuf Abdillh Jamma was convicted today of murdering PC Sharon Beshenivsky.

There are some people who believe that convicted murderers should be allowed to vote. This monster is lucky to be allowed to breathe.

A Cover Up at Number Ten?

Downing Street aides and Labour officials involved in the cash-for-honours inquiry are being investigated on suspicion of perverting the course of justice - according to a report published today in The Times.

This is potentially much more serious than the original cause of the investigation and carries a possible life sentence.

More people are to be questioned under caution, including Jonathan Powell the Number 10 Chief of Staff and Lord Levy once more.

Given Lord Levy's intention of not being the fall guy in all this adds another twist and an indication that Tony Blair is not yet scott free.

How long can we give him now? If Powell or other senior people are arrested I do not see how Blair can hang on. Having said that, he's a bastard without a conscience and it may be he stays until it is obvious he will be pushed. Certainly Nixon waited until Impeachment was certain and this thing is looking like Watergate with everyday that passes, not forgetting it was the cover-up that got Tricky Dickie.

Word of the Week

Effemeral

Def: Queer today, gone tomorrow.

Just more Chickens

sorry Crackers/Dr Crackers

I accidentally deleted your comments. Sorry. Thanks for dropping by. Leave them again if you like and i will try and press the right button.

The Honoured Dead

A memorial service has been held in Fife for the four crew members of the fishing boat Meridian which went down in the North Sea in October. It didn't even make the national headlines for one bulletin.

These men risked everything to work in appalling conditions, to earn an honest wage to feed their families and put the food on our plates.

They did not take drugs or spread diseases or, as far as we know, abuse their children or claim social security or complain about how hard their lives are.

No bleeding heart liberals are queuing up to call for better working conditions or subsidies. No armies of press satellite vehicles have camped outside the church where the mourners quietly said goodbye.

No. These were honest people, the honest poor who pay taxes and work and try to do their best. But it seems that the news media venerate drug injecting prostitutes above them. How do you think that feels?

Ann Widdecombe writes

I am just back from a party given by Guido Fawkes and Iain Dale "somewhere in London".

It was a bit cramped and there were a lot of people I didn't recognise, who kept going to the bathroom to blow their noses. And then that Caroline Flint came up to me and asked me about facial hair, as I believe it is generally known that she has a moustache. And I said, don't be silly, as long as the collar and cuffs match nobody is particularly worried. She is a piece of work.

Goodness me if I didn't bump into Ruth Kelly, her usual beatific smile broadened to a maniacal grin and a sort of convulsive tick. I know that she is a fellow Catholic but I draw the line at wearing scratchy underwear. If I wanted to indulge in personal irritation I would see more of dear Iain Dale who has taken to dyeing his hair orange - which in itself not irritating but it clashes with his ties.

Goodness me, I have harped on too much about personal hair problems. Just time to ring David Davis' doorbell and run away.

Best Wishes,
Ann

Ahmet Ertegun 1923-2006

One of the giants of the Music industry, Ahmet Ertegun has died. He was the co-founder of Atlantic Records.

The list of people whose career blossomed under his direction and care is important: Ray Charles, The Coasters, Aretha Franklin, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Crosby Stills, Nash and Young, John Coltrane, Charlie Mingus... the list is stellar; truly galactic.

He died, aged 83, as he had lived, a true devotee, after sustaining a fall at a Rolling Stones concert in New York.

George Orwell's 1984

The most prophetic book of the last century. I cannot take you seriously as a reader or regard your opinions with respect if you have not read it.

It goes to the core of the way the state manipulates the truth. It is a proto-critique of Political Correctness and a scathing condemnation of the unthinking, unwashed multitudes who swallow the media line on everything without a second thought.

They are out there, these morons. They voted for Tony Blair who, apart from George Bush, is the greatest war-monger since Hitler.

Stop Child Abuse now!

Child abuse of all kinds must be stopped and the perpetrators brought to account.

Especially when the abusers are drug- addicted street prostitutes with STD's and hepatitis C (which most are). Their children get infected with HIV or hepatitis. Children of street prostitutes are often neglected and malnourished. These kids are at the mercy of pimps and are in constant danger, whilst their mothers cruise the streets to fund just another injection of drugs.

When we are playing "find the victim" let us make sure we have thought about the issues instead of being spoon fed wet liberal propaganda.

Is that a Cigar in your pocket?

Smokers in Scotland were given a boost recently when those who were seeking to give up with the help of drugs, were prescribed viagra by mistake.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/6175271.stm

Users could not decide what they craved the most, but some of the more flamboyant ones said they couldn't stop feeling like a fag.

Boxing Violence and why it should stop

In 2006

• 8 fighters died violently outside of the ring in criminal incidents
• 9 fighters died of brain conditions, either as a direct result or from conditions commensurate with boxing injuries.
• 1 boxer died as a direct result of an injury sustained in the ring.

That is 18 deaths this year alone, directly related to the "sport" of boxing.

In 2005, 8 men died as a direct result of injuries sustained in the Boxing ring, shortly after fighting.

http://www.boxrec.com/media/index.php/Deaths_in_2006

Some say boxing gives young people discipline and a purpose. So did the Hitler Youth, but that didn't make it right.

Former World Featherweight champion Scott Harrison's career is in tatters after a string of alcohol related violent incidents. Recently released from a Spanish jail, Harrison also faces court appearences over a series of incidents in Scotland.

How many Equestrian promoters have criminal records?
How many racing drivers have died of brain injuries this year?
How many marathon runners are convicted rapists?
How many former footballer have been shot this year?

It is time to stop this quasi criminal activity, that masquerades as sport, and make it illegal.

Pants - and why they are important

Pants.

I am writing about pants because they are an essential part of our clothing, and because they are not only practical, but they have social and sexual significance.

Pants were first worn in 798 by the Roman Emperor Claudius who declared that,

“Pants keep you warm and happy”

They came over to this country in the middle ages and were sold by knickerhawkers whose cry of

“Get em off, get em on, hot today”

could be heard throughout the streets of old London.

Pants first started to be viewed as naughty when the artist Manet exhibited his work, Pants sur l’herbe in 1863.

Then a man called Sebastian Knickerbocker opened the first lingerie shop in St James’, London.

By the 1960’s skimpy pants were on sale everywhere.

Later in that decade Germaine Greer was writing her seminal book, “The Pants of Destiny” which is seen as a feminist perspective on pants as a paradigm of gender.

Rallies were held in which the cry of “Burn your pants” came into usage.

And what of Pants today? Pants can be bought at supermarkets and worn normally. A popular song declares:-

You need pants to make your bottom cosy.

You need pants to keep your trousers clean

And when you do a dance

You most certainly need pants

So that your naughty bits cannot be seen

(cannot be seen)

(Ivor Novello “You need Pants” copyright the estate of Ivor Novello 1933)

BBC watch

Recent reports over the deaths of prostitutes in Ipswich have been slewed by biased old BBC.

Interviews with "the girls" have been along the lines of "In the light of the deaths, why are you still on the streets?" A fair question, but the reply, a quite disingenuous reply and a fairly deceitful one, has gone unchallenged.

In reply to the reporter's question, the reply has been "there are bills to be paid, Christmas is coming, my children need to eat"

If only that were really the case. The real answer is that prostitutes work the streets to buy money for hard drugs because over 95% are substance addicted. This means that the children will not eat, bills will not be paid and Christmas will not happen.

Sadly these deaths are caused by some loony at large. But it could be easily said that root cause is a drug problem and until there is a zero tolerance policy in force, girls will sell themselves to support their habit. They will also spread STD's since virtually all of them have one. It would come as no surprise if the murderer is also addicted to drugs, since 80% of violent crime is drug related.

And yet this is all dressed up with euphemisms to hide the terrible reality.

We need to be aware of what the issues are here, the real issues, not the flabby, unconvincing PC crap handed out by the Public broadcasting organisation that we pay for.

No, really, this is a serious blog with serious issues.

Looking thro' Margaret Gilmore's eyes

Christmas is coming, but not for some, like me, who saved with Farepak. I was looking forward to a nice bit of tinned ham.

I have been busy in the kitchen making scones and sticking a little snowman on my Marks and Spencer individual Christmas cake. I have just bought this handy make-your-own Christmas card set from QVC and so I shall be busy this evening making my own cards. Damaris will be surprised when she gets hers. Then I shall have to think of a few others to send them to.

This is the time of year when the BBC makes me stand outside some anonymous building talking about some meeting or other that may have happened inside, three hours before. But I will let you into a secret – the cameraman and I have pre-recorded a couple of generic “standing outside” reports to file in the event of my being in with a nice mug of Barley Cup and the latest Mma Ramotswe.

The reports go a bit like this:-

Well, Hugh, we havn’t yet had confirmation, but early reports indicate a lot of activity in the building behind me where a meeting was held between the concerned parties two hours ago. No one has yet been available for comment but a source close to the department has expressed deep concern/shock/surprise.

(We can edit the last bit)

Billy, the cameraman thought it was a hoot and not a bad little earner since he gets £250 an hour “inconvenience” money for filming outdoors.

Well I have treated myself to a dozen bottles of good Chablis for Christmas and some Ferrero Rocher and I shall look forward to hunkering down to a night in front of the television. You never know, I might be on!!! I shall make sure I don’t miss the Crimewatch Christmas Special or Cannon and Ball at the Bournemouth Festival Hall.

Better go. I feel a bit weepy.

Love Margaret x

For more conventional recipe ideas join us on the Weasel's group blog

BEGGAR'S BANQUET

enthusiastic economy gourmands may apply to join.

This week's word - NADGERS

I remember nadgers but I had to do a bit of digging to remember where I remembered it. Perhaps from the immortal lips of Rambling Syd Rumpo, aka Kenneth Williams.

What shall we do with the drunken nurker,
What shall we do with the drunken nurker,
What shall we do with the drunken nurker,
He’s bending his cordwangle.

Hit him in the nadgers with the bosun’s plunger,
Slap him on the grummitt with a wrought iron lunger,
Cuff him in the moolies with the Captain’s grunger—
Till his bodgers dangle.

Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to try and fit "Nadgers" into everyday conversation as many times as you can, before you are spotted. Participants can leave their score here.

For more innocent word fun.. go to

World Wide Words

Licenced to be a Prat

Today the sad news that Bob Piper, Labour Councillor and regular blogger has withdrawn from the fray in the wake of criticism of one of his posts.

You'll have to look elsewhere if you havn't seen it, but essentially it was a putative satirical picture of David Cameron, blacked up as a minstrel.

This brought criticism from many quarters, but the criticism was largely, I suspect, posturing for PC cred and general callithump.

Blogging is a bit like getting your first pocket money. You spend it. Doesn't matter what you spend it on, you just spend it, because you can!

Political Blogging is an emerging medium with its followers experimenting all the time with formats, etiquette and limits. These are only given an airing when they are perceived to have been broken. Blogging is emotional and immediate. It reflects another facet of the way we feel, but not necessarily what our world view is in the light of reflection and personal morality.

It is supremely ephemeral and not meant to be lasting or intrinsically profound. It can be an agent of change, leading to profound change, but in itself it is curiously impotent.

The power of political blogging is in its ability to take a very time-specific snapshot of mood among bloggers. What is said is almost secondary to the mood. Blogging is a clue-giver, a nod from an old friend, not a Bolshevik revolution.

Revolutions are run in bodies, blood and human endeavour, not in cyberspace.

Accordingly, we should give bloggers some slack. It is a playroom, a zeitgeist-o-meter, not a cudgel. Let there be a licence to be a Prat. We all do posts that we end up regretting, but then they are gone and largely forgotten.

Libels are for newpapers and national TV. Subversion is for groups who meet secretly. Politcal Blogs are for knockabout debate and the circuitious pursuit of truth and occasionally, to expose politicians to the riducule and cold light of veracity they deserve.

Please do not let the usual suspects close down this avenue of free speech.

Is this the mystery Cherie Nude????

cherie blair nude shock!

It's been revealed that Cherie Blair (yes, that one) has posed nude for a painting done by the artist Euan Uglow.

According to Scotland on Sunday:

"A painting of the PM's wife, naked, has been unearthed after 25 years locked in a gallery storeroom, it was revealed last night.

Cherie Blair posed nude for Euan Uglow when she was an unknown 24 year-old trainee barrister called Cherie Booth"

It's called "Spring, nude, blue dress"

She was introduced to the artist by Derry Irvine, and apparently got paid £5 an hour. (that was probably just to pose..there may have been "extras")

Obviously I cannot publish the original on a family oriented blog, but here is a picture she did for a bloke in Soho in the 1970's

Looking thro' Margaret Gilmore's eyes

You know, I am not getting any younger but the BBC still make me stand outside in the cold next to that silly revolving sign outside the Metropolitan Police HQ. I mean, what about CGI? They will have none of it because the rocket-eating islingtonistas who produce the news insist on 'realite".

Anyway, I am home now playing Jenga. It would have been nice to be playing Jenga with a friend, but Damaris called and said she had a cold and the Scissor Sisters were going to be on Jules Holland. So I am here, on my own, with a half eaten Hawaiian (extra pineapple) and a litre of Dr Pepper.

I havn't finished the latest Mma Ramotswe so I shall treat myself to a muffin and go to bed. I might have a cry.

Love x
Margaret.

Proof once and for all

Proof once and for all that the devil does not have all the good music. He has a lot of crap music too, and then he has really evil twisted, child-molesting music, but I am not going to give James Blunt anymore publicity.

Donald Rumsfeld explains

Over to you DR:

Well, Weasel, I guess we all get this; we all get these little, for want of a better word, snakes, coming out when we squeeze the sides of our noses.

These snakes are not bad snakes, that is to say, they are not snakes at all. What they are I cannot say. And I cannot say because, as a pragmatic reality, I do not know. Neither do I know what I don't know.

What we do know, is that these things look like little yellow snakes, and they come out of the hard gristly bit of your nose, when you squeeze it.

Dimbleby Lecture

For the past 35 years the Richard Dimbleby Lecture has featured a talk by the influential and the great - largely members of the Establishment. This year's speaker does not get much closer to the core of the Establishment; General Sir Mike Jackson, former Chief of the General Staff.

I thought he was promising, at the outset, to give us an insight into the needs of the military for the next generation and its needed manifestation, though I think he failed to deliver on that score. What we seemed to get was his hawkish preference for foreign intervention and a plea for more money and conditions for soldiers. This is fair enough but not particularly profound or shocking..he would say that, wouldn't he? After all he knows no other life but the military and his parochial credentials were clearly discernable.

Perhaps the thing that also did not shock, but did give a terse justification, if you will, for the nuclear option was what he said about the replacement for Trident:

We need to create a terrifying uncertainty about what we would or would not do in extremis.

Herein lies the weight of over 40 years of experience of "the enemy". Creating uncertainty.

I wonder if this uncertainty affects the way they think in Damascus, Kabul, Beirut and others - or China for that matter?

An important message from our sponsor

No, you edible panty eaters... it's me, COLONEL MUSTARD, once again, effortlessly hacking in to the Wrinkled Scrotum's blog, just because I can!!! Regular readers may think I am being harsh at this season of goodwill, but honestly I think the direction of goodwill should be one-way. Gordon Brown has brought no Christmas cheer, but he is after all Scottish.
Poor Gordon is the princess that will never get to kiss the right frog. (from what I have heard privately). Perhaps he should send round a box of Sushi to number 10, courtesy of Itsu Sushi.
Now this is Christmas and time to remember those less fortunate so the Colonel's message to you all:

Finish your beer - there's sober kids in India.

As if that is not enough, channel four have asked me to address the nation on Christmas day, dressed in a suit, tie and polished oxford shoes, which just goes to show what degenerate pervs they all are. Your Best Mate
COLONEL MUSTARD

Zombie Car Wash

The music is by "Naked Ape"
http://www.myspace.com/nakedapesweden

Heck! I need to wash my car. I like electronica. I like girls - especially zombie girls. This video has everything.

Stuff the honest poor

I don't whinge a lot about my own misfortunes. In fact I don't think I ever have on this forum, but I have to in the light of Gordon Brown's pre-Budget speech.

Gordon has decided to raise the Passenger Air Fuel Duty by 100%.

This works out at a rise from £5 to £10 on domestic flights. There are no promises that this money (estimated at £1 Billion) will go directly to addressing green issues. None at all.

My points are this.

• This is another stealth tax.
• There is no direct impact upon travel because it will not stop people flying, especially the majority who, it has been demonstrated, can easily afford it.
• There is no quantifiable green dividend.
• But my main point, and it is a personal one, is that this move will cost me personally. I rely on regular cheap domestic flights and have done for the past four years. Mainly on Easyjet and BMI Baby. I have stopped using the Fascist National Carrier.

So, this is not a green move to me, merely another rise in taxes, along with galactic domestic fuel rises, rafts of car taxes and the generally increasing cost of actually getting to work and parking when you get there.

This is not a tax that will do anything but raise slush money for the exchequer and increase the burden on ordinary people who need to get about.

(Not mentioning the extra £600 million to be spent on our aggression in Iraq and Afghanistan - that's about three more hospitals)

All in all this pre-budget speech represents altogether a £2 billion tax rise for you and me - half of that for me and so, as the Americans say, I am pissed. Even more pissed when it becomes apparent that all the pundits on TV are not outraged about the Air tax because, being on generous expenses, most of them don't have a clue about the cost of air travel, nor do they care.

MAD

So then. Who are we going to point the replacement for the Trident nuclear weapon at?

In the old days we had MAD - Mutually Assured Destruction - you get me, I get you.

I fear this bizarre stand-off concept will be irrelevant next time around. I mean, what threat is there to a potential enemy who believes he will be blown to paradise?

Let's make it clear. There are plenty of Islamic crazies who now so very close to having nuclear weapons and who are MAD enough to use them, regardless of the catastrophic consequences.

Man have big stick. You listen to man with big stick and do what he say. You not listen to man without stick. You laugh at man without stick.

Litvinenko cover-up in full swing

The Latest news in the case of Alexander Litvenenko is that the Russians have effectively put a stop to any enquiries that the British Police may have.

There will be no extraditions, and British Police officers will be able to meet possible witnesses/suspects but will not be able to ask them questions.

Meanwhile the standard Russian move of denial and denunciations carries on.
It is an established feature of Russian political life that nothing is admitted or even acknowledged to exist, until in the face of irrefutable proof the modus operandi is to declare it to be a set-up.

Of course, this government has its hands tied because it needs Russia's assent in too many of its own murky operations, such as Iraq and Afghanistan. You are unlikely to see this government denouncing the Russians as state assassins.

Putin is a criminal, but so is Blair. People die. The politicians just get richer and fatter.

Earnest Plea for an Eterna Watch

I like watches. They fascinate me, along with mechanical devices of all kinds; the more intricate and Heath Robinson, the better. Here are two watch bits:-

Getting a battery for my Omega Seamaster Quartz Watch. I went into this terrible shop that had nobody in it but the two assistants - in their late forties , though you could not really tell due their make-up which kind of made Michael Jackson look normal. Thick heavy pancake it was. The place smelled of carpets. So a quick look around and I discern that this shop is for people with more money than sense...Tag Heur, Omega, Rolex, Gucci etc all dripping in gold and diamonds etc. Of course, they cannot do me a battery. No way. "Has to be sent off to Omega" they say. Bollocks!!! I got it done in a little independent high street jeweller, later, for £3.50, and since I do not intend to go diving, I don't care if it is not factory sealed... I did that a year or two back and it cost £90 and took six weeks. So a shop can sell you a chavvy four grand watch but they cannot fit a battery. Wankers.

But I want another watch! I want an Eterna Matic. So if anybody has an Eterna Matic in good order, that they want to let go, please let me know.

Chickens

Time for a supererogatory picture of Chickens, to cheer and delight.

Looking Thro' Margaret Gilmore's eyes

No use boasting now Weas old bean, I have seen it!

Veiled woman to give Channel Four Christmas Speech

According to this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6210324.stm

A veiled Muslim woman will deliver this year's alternative Christmas speech on Channel 4, the broadcaster has said. Khadija, a Zimbabwean-born British citizen who has been wearing the full veil - or niqab - for 10 years, has been given the slot.

How do we know who this is? It's probably Britney Spears and from what I hear she could do with covering up a bit.

I reckon, at the end of the speech, the niqab will be pulled off to reveal Salman Rushdie or even worse Claire Short. Or maybe John Simpson?

I shall now go on record in vigorously opposing the wearing of loud socks on Channel Four News - John Snow being the chief perp in this.

Hopefully, underneath this stupid bit of garb will be my old friend, Sarah Wilmshurst, and not only will we get some sense for the speech, we may get a proper resume of the weather outlook.

Guest Contributor - SANTA CLAUS

Hello Folks. Santa here. Season's Greetings to one and all. I have borrowed Weasel's Blog in order to just remind you of how naughty it is to write to me, recommending that certain children should go on my naughty list.

This is really telling tales at a time when we should all be celebrating and making merry - not indulging in recriminations and rancour.

However, since it is open season on Politicians, I will allow nominations for the naughty and nice lists, and you can submit them to me via this blog.

Yours,

Santa.

COLONEL MUSTARD hacks into WWW again

Hello, underarm deodorant users. Your Moutarde Military type here, dispensing Christmas Spirit and gratuitous offense.

I hear that the denizens of the Yorkshire Dales have nearly been thwarted in their attempts to have a party at Christmas due to excessive Council interference. The local council, being full of mindless twats, has determined that there should be health warnings about the mince pies and risk assessments done on the tinsel.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_yorkshire/6207970.stm

Well I am currently carrying out my own risk assessment on going around to the aptly named Craven District Council. I wonder, If I go and push a rusty hack saw up the bottoms of the representatives responsible, IS THERE A RISK? And if so what kind of risk? Obviously I am concerned about the risk to ME, not to the nasty little jobsworths at Craven.

Gifts are welcome, if you were thinking of getting me one. Of course I shall go right round to the shop where you got it, demanding a refund in order to get something less grossly inappropriate and less odiously worthy. If you are thinking of getting me a goat this year don't bother. I want booze and vouchers for the local Sauna and Massage Parlour.

Merry Xmas

Your Best Mate

COLONEL MUSTARD

Christmas gifts for the boys and girls in battle

They are home on leave, waking up in the middle of the night, screaming in terror when you turn the bedroom light on to go to the loo.

It's a familiar scenario when the boys and girls come home, but you can make those battle fatigues fade away with
Artie Barsamian's

Destination Baghdad.

Tracks include:

Sitting by the Friendly Fire
Guantanamera
Burkas of you

Start a new hobby for the Winter Months

Hey Guys! Photography can be fun! Especially when it includes real honeys like the ones on this front cover.

Get a Leica or a Polaroid camera and go on, start a brand new hobby.

Girls like this will be draped all over trees and municipal furniture, just waiting for you to come along and make them famous!!!!!!

See a bit of underskirt. Catch a nip slip, etc, etc.

only $49.99 or $55.99 with X-ray specs.

Handy Christmas Gift Ideas

I know that many readers of this blog want to learn how to spice up their tired, lacklustre relationships. Well, here's a handy idea from Roulette records. Bonus Instruction booklet included !!!

Also available: How to Belly Dance for your same sex partner. - How to Belly dance for your Dad. - How to Belly Dance for Rich Arabs.

What's new in undie world?

That's what I wanted to know.

Ann Widdecombe's Week HIGNFY

Dear Readers

I had a delightful time on "Have I got News for You" . You don't realise it unless you are in the studio, but Ian Hislop is tiny. They have to put him on a soft cushion. Everyone in the studio seems to use inhalers of some sort and their noses drip all over the script.

Of course I knew they would bring up the old "something of the night" chestnut, as if it is the only thing I ever said. I also said that Michael Howard smelt of Maltesers, and couldn't pronounce "risible" without making everyone in the department burst out laughing, but I said it on the day we invaded Iraq, so you probably missed it.

David Starkey says that I am bossy and make him want to vomit. No dear, that's the mouth full of cock. Take it out at once.

Yours Ann

Zeitgeist-O-Meter

What’s the condition of political and social life in the UK?

At the moment it is a cocktail of 2 measures cultural fascism, one of mock socialism and a dash of perverted moralism.

Personally I blame it on the fact that nobody reads books any more.

A word from Georgina Hoy-Manners

Hellay chaps. Jolly nice to be allied to blog away on the Weasel's blog. Do you nay, I really do not like the idea of us having a nuclear deterrent. They are noisy and expensive and who are you going to point it at?

The Painy Club has been simply beastly this week. Little Araminta Kettle-Frobisher screamed and screamed until she gave birth and Lysistrata Tollemache wet her self in the saddle...In. The . Saddle!!! "Get dine," I shited, lidely..but she took nay natice whatsoever. I went hiking this week in the Cairngorms. A few pals lost the odd toe due to frostbite, but they soon had the old Le Creuset out and knocked up a hearty game soup (add a few fennel seeds at the end, it's delicious) and then the cry was onward and upward without crampons. We took it easy.. just did abite 45 miles altogether until my darling fiance, Freddy came and rescued us in his helicopter. Everyone had hypothermia by that time but I had them singing, "Ten Green Bottles" to keep spirits up. Well its off to muck ite the horses for me and later we are having a few friends arind for some high quality skunk and a few nibbles. Toodle pip!!

Yours ever, George

The non alphabetical A to Zee of Crucial Movies

2001 a space odyssey. - In the one-eyed giant's cave.

In the original "Odyssey" by Homer Simpson, the chums encounter the cyclops who booms doom and woe at them .

In Kubrick's 2001 (which bears no relation to Homer other than the name) the Cyclops in the cave is the HAL 9000 computer; he is softly spoken, coldly logical and unfettered by sentiment. A bit like Michael Schumacher.

By today's standards 2001 is painfully slow and the graphics are showing the ravages of time, but the film is important because it set a benchmark of care for Sci-fi, which until then had largely been the preserve of the "B" movie market.

There is a prologue in which we witness the evolution of the human race. It is suggested that this is in some way attributed to a strange black monolith. Thousands of years later, and we are in the present and the monolith is discovered on the moon, excavated from below, giving off a signal. It is decided to sent a spacecraft to Jupiter to try and find the source of this thing.

During the mission, the two crew who are the only ones who have not been frozen for the long journey, start to evince doubts about the supercomputer, HAL, and his competence. HAL picks up on this and starts to get paranoid.

The film is full of wonder and full of huge lush panoramas with some soaring background music from Strauss and Ligeti. There is a long psychedelic sequence that somehow is never resolved but it ends with a very strong symbolic statement about the child being the father to man I think. I don't know, because a lot of the film is impressionistic and non linear.

Key quotes:
(HAL) I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

(HAL) Let me put it this way, Mr. Amor. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.


Not designed by Bill Gates, then.

A must see, but do not watch this under the influence of drugs. *****

Note: When 2001 was made, in 1966, they thought we would be off into space in pursuit of our origins. Instead, we are still fighting each other. I find that very sad indeed.