William and Kate - a Royal Weasel Special

And here we are, speaking in hushed, reverential tones, on a very special occasion, the announcement of His Royal Highness, Prince William of Wales, to Miss Catherine Middleton. It is at these times when all cynicism and rancour are, perhaps, placed to one side to acknowledge the wonderful part the Royal Family play in our sad, quite ordinary lives.

Miss Middleton is fortunate and privileged. Fortunate because her family own a business that sells party accessories! Yeah! It's true! How amazing is that! Well, erm, sorry, I got a bit excited there, but anyway that takes care of the wedding feast. Lots of candles, tasteful serviettes and colour coordinated candles that revolve on a centre piece that plays Candle in the Wind ( a clever play on the candle theme, I think) will be the order of the day, and The Weasel can assure you that everyone will get a lucky bag and a slice of Battenberg (or Mountbatten, as those in the inner circle refer to it)

Who is up to the job of being our next Queen? Is Miss Middleton fit? Well, as you can see in this picture of her with her betrothed, the trunks don't lie, to paraphrase Shakira. She's well fit.

And so, we look forward to another episode of this particularly replete dynastic saga; hitherto a saga full of highs, lows - one year an annus mirabilis, another an annus horibilis and then, just an annus. It will begin with the guest list. Will poor old Sarah (gissa job) Ferguson be invited? Perhaps not.  And what about Prince Harry's dad? Is he still persona non grata? And what about the lucky young men of the Royal staff who may live long enough (given a disciplined antiretroviral therapy regime ) to tell their adopted children all about this most special of special days?

So many questions. So much excitement for one day.
I know that all readers of this blog will want to join me in sending the happy couple something from their wedding present list. Send your donations now, and I shall try and get hold of the list of the year. Is it with Harrods?

Oh dear, pished in the back of a car and no seatbelt. They never learn.

12 comments:

Richard said...

Insufficiently reverential, I feel - and you forgot to mention The Ring, breathlessly. No, this won't do. Won't do at all.

subrosa said...

Wow WW. I think it's time you got a proper job and applied to be Royal correspondent for Roseanne Cunningham. :)

Katabasis said...

Checked the BBC ranking of world stories earlier.

Possible break up of the Euro and the EU at fourth place.

The Royal Soap Opera at 1st, 2nd and 3rd.

I despair.

Bob said...

I must be getting cynical. I keep hearing...
" Clarence House is sad to report the amicable break up of the marriage of HRH Catherine of Hockeysticks and HRH William of Helicopter.
We ask for privacy for their children, Heir and Spare during these difficult times. King Charles and lady Campax are sad but supportive. No one else is involved "

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Bob, I rather wish the affairs of the Royal Family only merited a couple of lines on page four of the Daily Mail. Frankly, the whole issue leaves me unmoved. However, your scenario is not improbable.

Ruth@VS said...

WW How dare you! I managed to get through the whole morning without listening to the news on the radio or TV, quickly whizzed past the acres of the happy couple on the internet newspapers, and now I have to read about it here. Very disappointed...

Wrinkled Weasel said...

So Ruth, you can imagine how young Master Weasel felt when, after working a 12 hour day on Sunday, in a windowless studio, he accidentally found out the result of the Formula One Grand Prix.

Or maybe not. As others have said, the world is imploding and here I am doing Royal stories and 2 million dollar bras.

I promise you, from now on, this blog will be Royalty free! And bra free. Mostly.

Hamish said...

Excellent and entertaining post WW.
But what's with the anti-gay stuff?
Just accept that you are bisexual like most normal people.

Richard said...

Nothing anti-gay that I saw here. The reference to the lucky young men in the Royal household can be justified as fair comment, I think.

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Hamish. Please explain why there is something anti-gay.

Hamish said...

This bit.
"And what about the lucky young men of the Royal staff who may live long enough (given a disciplined antiretroviral therapy regime ) to tell their adopted children all about this most special of special days?"

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Still don't get it. The whole piece is supposed to be satirical, mostly about the Royals themselves. Gays get no special exemptions on my blog. That paragraph has a basis in fact.

You should know that. You also know that I am not anti-gay any more than I am fervently anti-monarchy. Everyone should be up for a pop.

As to my sexuality or those of my friends and family, none of which you have the slightest idea about, it is and will remain private.