Own up! Bastards never die! Every time there is a terrible, emotional and tragic death on the news, the relatives always, and I mean ALWAYS, tell you how wonderful he or she was, along the lines of "Cyril brought sunshine into the lives of all who cross his path. He touched many with his courage and generosity" You never hear, "Well, I am sorry he died so horribly but he was a total shit and nobody will miss him." No one ever says that. That makes me IMMMORTAL!!!

Going to Glastonbury this year? No you are not, because its not on. And anyway, who wants to spend a weekend with 50,000 financial services workers?

Everyone dies in "A frenzied knife attack". Always "frenzied" Well, you would be, wouldn't you? Picture the scene - you stab your loved one (after an almighty row). They stagger and move towards you. "Oh, oh," you think, "This one's not going to go quietly", so you have another stab. An of course the stabee is now on adrenaline and able to do a bit more staggering, along with astonished gasps, of "Why, Frank, Why?" The whole scenario has that element of cold logic to it, doesn't it? Frenzy - just say "No".
In the Kitchen, with the Dagger - that's me, that is.

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