Hello, underarm deodorant users. Your Moutarde Military type here, dispensing Christmas Spirit and gratuitous offense.
I hear that the denizens of the Yorkshire Dales have nearly been thwarted in their attempts to have a party at Christmas due to excessive Council interference. The local council, being full of mindless twats, has determined that there should be health warnings about the mince pies and risk assessments done on the tinsel.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_yorkshire/6207970.stm
Well I am currently carrying out my own risk assessment on going around to the aptly named Craven District Council. I wonder, If I go and push a rusty hack saw up the bottoms of the representatives responsible, IS THERE A RISK? And if so what kind of risk? Obviously I am concerned about the risk to ME, not to the nasty little jobsworths at Craven.
Gifts are welcome, if you were thinking of getting me one. Of course I shall go right round to the shop where you got it, demanding a refund in order to get something less grossly inappropriate and less odiously worthy. If you are thinking of getting me a goat this year don't bother. I want booze and vouchers for the local Sauna and Massage Parlour.
Merry Xmas
Your Best Mate
COLONEL MUSTARD
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