Oprah sparks nationwide KFC riot


It never happened to Richard and Judy

Riots across the USA today ensued when plump chat show host Oprah Winfrey signalled to all of her sofa-ridden daytime TV fans that Chicken was FREE at KFC!



As one might have predicted to one of the most influential women in the States, there were friction burns on thighs, leisure suits were donned, and fried chicken lovers all over America waddled, as fast as their legs could carry them, to claim their free chicken pieces - and the franchise couldn't cope with the rush.

In New York, it was even reported that punters staged a slouch-in when a local manager refused to redeem coupons.

The Gothamist takes up the story:

And now this harrowing report from the scene of a KFC on 42nd Street between Madison and Park has landed in our inbox:

I went over to our nearest KFC a few minutes ago...and chaos ensued. Despite the very visible grilled chicken behind the register, the manager told everyone with coupons to leave and that the promotion was over for the day. The people there are currently holding a sit-in and refusing to leave until they get their free chicken...or the cops are called. Racial epithets were being spewed, people who actually wanted to pay for chicken were facing a potential beatdown, and the manager ran from the screaming horde. Oprah, what have ye wrought?
More than a dozen calls placed to the KFC in question have been met with an ominous busy signal. We can only assume a riot squad is currently cracking skulls to save that last defenseless grilled chicken from the freeloading mob. Developing...

(Col Sanders was never a real Colonel. Dr Pepper was never a real Doctor. And don't even think about Count Basie and Duke Ellington. Kind of shatters your worldview when you discover these subterfuges.)

4 comments:

strapworld said...

WW. Thank you very much for nothing! I suppose Dr Reid MP is not a doctor (and I went to him with a urinary problem too!)
How can you be so bloody heartless and pin this bubble?

Col. Sanders was a Col in the Pensylvania Home Guard!
in his yoof!

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Sorry to burst your bubble. We have to face reality - I was shattered when I found out Sooty could only work with a hand up his arse.

Bill Quango MP said...

Col Sanders was a Captain.
The Duke of Earl was a Baron.
Baron M√ľnchhausen was a Knight
Keira Knightley is a lady.
Lady Jane Grey was white.
Gordon Brown is a sort of Count

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Thanks Bill. It certainly sound like "count"