Duvet day

Ten minutes ago, I had a king sized duvet cover over my body. Yes, you will say, I suspected Weasel was kinky. Not so. If I wanted to dress up as Caspar the Ghost for the bedroom, I would hire a costume from a joke shop, but it had to be changed. Duvet's are the Tetra Paks of Slumberworld. I find them traumatic and humiliating.


Ruth@VS said...

Traumatic and humiliating? What on earth were you doing with it?

Wrinkled Weasel said...

I was trying to put the duvet cover on the duvet! I got tangled up in it, stuck inside it, call it what you will, and then realised it was inside out.

Being defeated by a piece of cloth, even temporarily is humbling.

Jim Baxter said...

First conceived by Fritz Zwicki but overlooked by his contemporaries (as much of Zwicki’s work was due to his propensity to topologically based centripetal invective – e.g., his colleagues were all ‘spherical bastards’ because they were bastards from whichever point of view the stationary observer cared to select), the duvet cover, unlike the Zwicki’s other famous formulation – the neutron star – for which discovery others were awarded the Nobel Prize - has thus far eluded empirical verification.

For example, attempts to define the duvet cover mathematically as an analogue or isomorph of any other surface, such as the well known mug-torus continuous deformation


have all failed.

Minsky suggests that the duvet cover uniquely violates the key principle of topological isomorphism which holds that a homeomorphic space must possess both open and closed mapping simultaneously, being neither open or closed in quantum reality or in any other state. Philospohers of science such as Kuhn have argued that mathematicians have made unforced category errors (cf. Ryle) in attempting to ascribe to the duvet cover a property which it cannot possibly possess, i.e. quintessential apprehension.

The newly expanding discipline of countersensical cosmology, deploying algorithms of the hairy ball theorem and vacuum solutions to the Einstein field equations has conceived the duvet cover to be a fold in space-time, allowing time travel. This work was initially inspired by unverified accounts of an experience of Buckminster Fuller, to the effect that he entered a duvet cover close to bedtime only to emerge the previous Tuesday. Again, however, reliable results have eluded empirical validation; travel back in time via the relativistic conduit of a duvet cover has resisted replication. Authors reporting forward time travel through the medium – entering duvet covers only to emerge in a state of free-floating anxiety some hours later , have had their work pilloried as ‘ a hoot’ by experienced hotel room-staff.

Nonetheless, archive photographs, believed to be of one of Fuller’s research assistants struggling within an atavism of a pre-conspecific duvet cover, have given rise to speculation that Fuller’s research on this topic inspired his development of Bauersfeld’s prototypical geodesic dome serendipitously.

Science now awaits the results of workers in the field of metaphysical cognitive neuroscience, who are attempting to ‘intuit’ the duvet cover’s conception of itself in terms of neo-Freudian oneiric existential phenomenology. Hopes are not high, however: initial anecdotal evidence from such studies suggests the whole thing is a ‘fucking nightmare’ and you’re better off with a blanket.

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Jim, I just thought it was a duvet. Just shows you how wrong I can be.

Ruth@VS said...

Excellent, both of you!