Bionic Sphincter and WW's Weekend Window on the World

Story of the week must surely be the tale about 55 year-old Ged Galvin, victim of a SMIDSY motorcycle crash, whose mangled body was repaired by the clever application of a remote controlled anal sphincter.

How long do you think it will be before the Gays demand the operation on the NHS?

The Glasgow NE election was heralded all over the place as the saviour of Gordon Brown and a threat to the Tories and the SNP. Not here it wasn't. Glasgow NE is a desolate pit of fag-wizened midgets with vitamin deficiencies and a lemming-like predilection for voting for Labour for the last 75 years. The consituency is an anomaly and has no bearing whatsoever on the national picture. It certainly won't save Gordon Brown from departing before the next election as I predicted a while back.

 I wasted 1 and a half hours of my life this week watching the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" This dire wannabe Hollywood blockbuster had Keannu Reeves stomping through a movie bereft of charm, coherent narrative, acting and visual interest. I had to watch again the original 1951 version to rid myself of this travesty. When will they get it into their heads that space movies and monster movies are not about space and monsters? They are simply human interest stories. Get that bit wrong and you are spending a hundred million dollars on something with less dramatic impact than a Nike Advert.

I never discuss football on this blog, because it has no interest for me whatsoever, but I did read that someone called Jose Mourinho wants to come back to England to manage a football team, because, apparently, England is the natural home of football. The only other football related thing is that someone called Benitez looks a bit like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull.

I am please to report that Young Weasel is scheduled to fly back to the UK this weekend, after five weeks in Nepal. Despite illness, being a hostage for five hours at the hands of the local insurgents, he appears to have had a great time and got the material he needs to make a good film. As soon as he lets me have it, you shall have the opportunity to see his work. Thanks to those, (especially APF194) who took an interest in his well-being.

A visit to Tom Harris' blog is worthwhile, if only to measure how desperate Labour loyalists are to clutch at straws. I have a lot of time for Tom personally, but he is tribal Labour through and through, but articulate and witty, and that is why he so interesting. The current Labour mindset is Denial. What else can they do? They are going to lose the election to the biggest bunch of Clowns since the World Circus Championships.

Enjoy your weekend and thanks for dropping by. My current condition is that I am obsessed with getting the multifuel cast iron stove to work at optimum levels, since it drives the central heating system too. I am running out of recipe ideas. The same old things seem to end up being cooked. Help!


Jim Baxter said...


Procedures of anal refurbishment or tightening are increasingly in demand from homosexual men subjected to prolonged over-reaming who now fear that their grip on their partners’ affections is in decline. Such men, known as wide-jugged, had no previous recourse other than to the inverse reacharound. Sadly, this technique served as no more than a postponement of the inevitable owing to the early onset of RSI to the crooked thumb and to each of the other four digits in succession. Attempts to prolong the active sexual services of the rectum itself by packing it with mushroom-growers' loam yield mixed results, including heavy fungal infections of both partners.

End-stage recipients of anal sex therefore had few options prior to the development, out of hundreds of years of medical research, of corrective surgical interventions.

One hope was the gradual senescence of the active partner’s capacities for tumescence. Far from exacerbating the problem, this progressive degeneration proved more likely to transmute active homosexual life to attendance at ‘Come As Christopher Biggins’ dinner-parties. Others, with less self-respect, would seek employment as chat-show hosts.

Discussion in the present article focuses on the forthcoming synergy of surgical and pharmacological interventions (joking referred to by some sawbones as ‘pharmacolonogical – said practitioners now the subject of several complaints pending before the British Medical Council) expected to produce the first prehensile penises, designed to bring satisfaction to both parties, pitchers and catchers, in any one encounter, and scheduled to debut on reality TV.

(BMJ, article under review)

Tom Harris said...

If Glasgow NE is, as you say, "an anomaly", what does that make Glasgow East? As far as I can tell, having spent a lot of time on both campaigns, they're almost identical seats. Yet the SNP won Glasgow East, populated by exactly the same kind of people of whom you are so contemptuous.

Isn't it the case that nats like yourself are full of praise for Glaswegians if we vote according to your preferences, but when we do otherwise, we're treated with traditional nat contempt?

Jim Baxter said...

Ah, Tom, you're too good for that Party you support. Save yourself while you can.

I speak as a fag-wizened midget myself, though I cede precedence to WW himself in the pantheon of rightful recipients of the epithet, 'wizened'.

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Thanks Jim! You must be related to the Soup Baxters?

Tom, you have me by the snarglies. You seem to have won that argument by faultless logic, experience and irrefutable local knowledge. Without looking into it further, it would appear I am a hypocrite and have done what must now be known in the trade, as a "Grayling".

However, perhaps it is possible that, due to their being a very good candidate in Glasgow East, as opposed to a (in your words) "car crash" candidate in NE, together with an awakening, a realisation, a Damascus road experience by the voters, it is the faltering dawn of a new age, and that even people brought up on a diet of deep fried pizzas and lambert and butlers can raise themselves above their given station.

Jim Baxter said...


Would that my escutcheon boasted the cockaleekie rampant. I am, sadly, of the East Lothian 'electric-soup' Baxters (Glasgow Chapter).

Dave said...

"When will they get it into their heads that space movies and monster movies are not about space and monsters? "
Hi WW, I've been reading SF almost all my life and I agree with every word you wrote.
"Starship Troopers" is probably the worst example of how to get it totally wrong. Heinlein's book is about democracy. It's about the concept that the right to vote is worth fighting for (and even dying for). It's about loyalty and honour, and was written for a teenage audience. The publisher rejected it and it was taken up by a mainstream publisher. The rest is history.
Heinlein is derided as being anti- communist, pro capitalist and "out of touch". What his critics ignore is that he visited almost every country in the world including the USSR in the 1950s, and wrote from personal observation and experience.
In other words, he knew what he was talking about. In books published in the early 1970s and again in the mid 80s he predicted the end of western democracy and a total breakdown into anarchy by the early part of this century. I see nothing that would deny his prophesy from being fulfilled.
PS "Halting State" by Charles Stross is a good read. Set in Edinburgh in about 2014, it's a hugely entertaining and believable sci-fi book.