How to keep warm in winter

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/index.htm publishes handy hints on how to keep warm in winter. I wonder who is going to read this. People bright enough to actually find the site may well have already figured it out. The rest, the stupid ones, will not be able to even do this, thereby ridding the gene pool of people who really believe you can win the national lottery and that a Diet Coke and a bag of chips is the way to look like a supermodel, or that a Nissan Micra is a real car.

Examples:
To keep warm at home during the day try to:
  • heat your main living room to around 18-21°C (64-70°F) and the rest of the house at least 16°C (61°F)
  • heat all the rooms you use in the day 
  • make sure you keep your living room warm throughout the day and heat your bedroom before going to bed
  • set the timer on your heating to come on before you get up and switch off when you go to bed
  • in very cold weather set the heating to come on earlier, rather than turn the thermostat up, so you won’t be cold while you wait for your home to heat up.
Now, call me Vera Lynn, but this kind of wartime Cholmondeley-Warner advice would come under what I would call common sense. Of course, if you are not Donald Trump, doing the above is going to cost an arm and a leg. Which gives me an idea....

My own suggestions must not be revealed here, lest I get arrested for hate crimes, but it involves single mothers, stewdents and asylum seekers and the various merits of their combustability.  The squeamish among you can always consider the family cat, which would be a boon to the population of wild birds.

But, honestly, somebody has been paid a lot of money to state the bleedin obvious.

Weasel's method, and you may borrow this, is to work your way through all the bottles of leftover peach liquer, absinthe and Cacha├ža, eat homemade soup (see below), constantly empty and re-fill the wood stove and dig the driveway. It works for me.
It is not recommended that you hug a tiger. Anybody who hugs a tiger should not sue Wrinkled Weasel on the basis that it seemed a good idea at the time. Lawyers reading this can piss off.

No comments: