Bertie and Annie Bassett - A Statement from the Corporation

As Director General of the WWW I have felt it necessary to address recent concerns over the inclusion of Bertie and Annie Basset at the WWW.

The WWW is a publicly funded organisation that seeks to include all sorts in its broad remit. Accusations that liquorice and coconut-headed people are "overly represented" at the WWW or that anyone who wears white crimpelene trousers is in some way "irritating" should become aware that, over the years, the WWW has covered a broad range of topics and the employment of little Sweeties is merely a reflection of our equality and diversity remit.

In my keynote speech "Forward into tomorrow, today" I explained to a captive audience that planned absorption of new media platforms is crucial to the WWW's development. I also said that we utterly refute the accusation that we discriminate against Werther's Originals or other confectionary that appeals to an older demographic. On a personal note, I myself can often be found sucking a Fisherman's Friend. The WWW commissioned a poll to ask its viewers what they thought and there has been an overwhelming vote in favour of retaining Mr and Mrs Bassett, a far greater mandate for their continuance.

Accordingly the management of the WWW has agreed with itself that the inclusion of daft gifs, puerile trivia, utterly biased reporting and an occasional serious bit will continue to be a feature of its programming.

And anyway, unless you press the donate button, we will keep sending you threatening letters, so there is fuck all you can do about it.