A perv's guide to literature

Those of you with literary bent (I have started already) may find the following, shall we say, vocabulary, useful in defining a genre that hitherto has been neglected. Those who are new to our country and wish to take part in its rich and diverse language will also benefit.

Lunge. verb. Can refer to that moment when a gentleman or lady moves towards a part of another gentleman or lady.
Gusset. noun. Parts of clothing that conceal or support naughty bits.
Nomenclature: A collection of naughty words
Quiver: verb. An action, perhaps involuntary, caused by touching or almost touching.
Kumquat: noun. Although many fruits and vegetables are deemed pervy because of shape, this one rests on its name alone.
Fagottini: Often confused with a type of pasta. Quite a lot of Italian words sound rude, so you can always rely on using one or two, such as pizzicato or even, vibrato. The latter has much going for it since it conceals the word, bra.
Muffler: Useful for keeping things warm
Futtock: Most parts of the body can sound funny if you have an imagination.
Crevice: A sprightly, portmanteau noun for any part of the body that may be rude.
Trouser: The single trouser, such as in the phrase trouser area.
Scunthorpe: More or less self-explanatory, as is Staines.
Bulge: Again, can be attributed to various rude bits.
Moist: It is a sad fact that most naughty parts of the body will be moist at some point, but you can use this to your advantage.
Flange: Not just a convenient guitar effect
Gyratory: Sally Traffic often slips "Hangar Lane Gyratory" into what sounds like a perfectly innocuous traffic bulletin.
Vestibule: All containers or areas are a rich source of perv delight.

There may be more....


Hamish said...

WW that did have me smiling out loud*.

Small point, now that there are multiple authors, please consistently put the author's name beside the title line. I knew it was you after the first couple of sentences, but we shouldn't have to rely on stylistic analysis.


*You will be familiar with the ancient Scottish chestnut of the two Edinburgh wifies coming out of the pantomime.
"Jeanie, waa that comic not awfie funny?"
"Aye Jessie, it was a' I could to do to stop myself laughing out loud".

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Sorry Hamish, I inadvertantly broke my own rules there. I should have put a byline on it. Put it down to modesty. Not.